When the news first broke about Senator Akpabio’s involvement in a car crash, the details were still a bit sketchy so, aside from one or two comments on other walls, I waited to get the full details.
From all indications, Akpabio’s DRIVER ran a red light and that resulted in their crashing into a car which had right of way and it was only by dint of the benevolence of the gods that we were not led into a situation of stories that touch.
But even though it was Senator Akpabio’s driver that ran the red light and ergo was guilty of breaking traffic laws, I still find the distinguished Senator guilty of having the wrong #BodiLangweji.
I recall once when a new driver was assigned to me and we spent the whole of the first week parking in various awkward spots while I gave him the lecture of his life. I didn’t want him running the lights because he needed to get me somewhere in a hurry, if I did not make allowances for leaving on time then I deserved to get there as late as I possibly could. I did not want him jumping traffic queues, driving against traffic, driving on the walkways, overtaking recklessly… the list was endless.
Several times, I requested the Admin officer replace him with another driver and return him to the pool but then, I would relent and give him one more try until eventually, I arrived at a solution: I imposed on him an 80km/hr speed limit on the expressways and 60km/hr within town.
Once when we had to go and visit a client in Kaduna, even I was irritated with the snail speed, but I was determined not to take the driver off the leash, until he had learnt how to comply with traffic rules. At the end of that one month of “go slow”, I pretended not to notice as he slowly increased his speed, because he had understood that I would not subscribe to his breaking the law in order to please me.
And the moral of this long story, is that I would give Akpabio 89% of the blame for encouraging his driver, overtly or covertly, to run the red light.
Lessons have hopefully been learnt and fingers crossed, in the future, law makers would try as much as possible not to be law breakers.
Which also brings me to the point that there were at least two people involved in that accident, but Nigerians being whom we are, we have beamed our searchlights on the big man only. The poor driver can die and be buried in an unmarked grave for all we care, who know am? Na we send am make him no get money or make name for himself? Shior…
Let us pause and take a moment to pray please, “Baba God, in my next life, please make me rich. Give me money. Too much money. Stinking money. So this is how I will come and die and if a big man sprains his finger on the same day as I decide to exit this earth in a very colourful manner, nobody will care? They will all be fixated on the big man’s sprained finger and where he treated it, how it was treated and if it is responding to treatment as expected? Oh Jesus, please give me money. Let my name ring bells in Nigeria and beyond. Make me famous so that every minute detail of my life will make the headlines – even if it was just a slightly smellier number 2 than my significant other is comfortable with. Amen”!
Back to the subject matter, the next uproar was on how Senator Akpabio claimed he built a world class hospital while he was governor of Akwa Ibom, but needed to seek for treatment from car crash (non) injuries in a regular hospital in the UK.
A mountain out of a molehill and propaganda on speed if you ask me.
Okay, rewind back to the purpose of the early mor mor speeding that resulted in that accident. Akpabio was on his way to catch a flight to visit with his family who were away for summer.
Now, all the men in the house, raise your right hands.
How many of you would willingly remain bound to a bed when you are not bleeding or seriously gasping for breath? When there are no broken bones and you have carried out a comprehensive CAT scan on yourself (where CAT scan refers to using your hands to press various parts of your body) and declared yourself fit to go? How many men would consent to taking anything stronger than paracetamol even for the deadliest fever?
I would say, very few.
Men will always be men.
But women on the other hand, we will always be women too. When your husband arrives from Nigeria after you have spent two days worrying over reports that he was involved in an accident chances are that he would probably assure you that he is alright and there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. Then maybe out of the corner of your eye, you catch him wincing and holding on to his side as he tries to lift a spoon to his mouth, which of the following would you do?
1. Send him straight back to Nigeria and the world class hospital he claimed to have built in his state on the next available 6 hour flight.
2. Check him into the nearest hospital to where you both currently are for a thorough check up?
I will wait while you work out the answer and decide whether you want to continue chasing the inconsequentiality of where and why Senator Akpabio was in a London hospital; or if it will pay you better to focus on the changers who are yet to bring the promised change.
The change will affect us all if it comes or fails to come, Senator Akpabio’s bowel movements are the primary concern of his wife only.
And if you claim to be moved by pity for the masses and how the hospital was coupled from a collection of brightly coloured cardboard boxes overnight in order to deceive the guests at the launch; the equipment was hired; medical personnel were actually actors; the drugs were 3D print outs; the nurses were retired witches etc… please do the world a favour and don’t be a social media investigative journalist who only carries out his or her investigations from “dem say, dem say” blogs.
Book a flight or take a road trip to Akwa Ibom.
Visit the hospital.
Who knows, you might even win the Pulitzer. (I do hope you know what a Pulitzer is sha).
I nu go?