My verdict on Uche Taxify vs Dorcas OAP – Viola Okolie

My verdict on Uche Taxify vs Dorcas OAP – Viola Okolie

When I worked in banking, I had this boss who later resigned and took up appointment as Minister of State for……

So, this boss of mine, used to have a highly efficient secretary whose name was “Helen”. After a while, she left the bank for greener pastures and this man was left to struggle with incompetence and people who took forever to adjust to his ways.
Consequently, every efficient female he came across, irrespective of your function or department, was referred to as, “Helen”. And we obliged him because the way he always went about it was effing hilarious. He would see me for instance and be like, “emmm, emmm, Hailin, sorry. I mean to say, Bayolah”.
We sha knew he was missing a one in a million secretary, so we obliged him. Why do I need to tell you this story?
Well, remember how Uche of Taxify will not allow us use our emails in peace and be great again? Every five seconds, new email. Meanwhile you are busy waiting for credit alert email from your bank o, the next thing you will see if you use google, is “U”.
Click on it, “Uche from Taxify”.
Either begging you to take a ride or asking you why you did not take a ride or warning you to take a ride or just saying like you know, take a damn ride brah.
Uche from Taxify no get joy.
So for the purpose of this opinion, anyone who drives a Taxify, is Uche to me. I don’t even care if you are Bayode or Musiliu or Hamisu or even Oghentekevwe; you are “Uche” to me. Period. ************
So, I wanted the dust to settle or at least try to settle on the Taxify kidnap/rape brouhaha and for the two major players to calm down and face their front, before I land my honourable opinion on them. So this lady, Dorcas, an OAP with plenty plenty misplaced “r” s, a confused accent that is just begging for a map to find its way  home, and humongously atrocious grammar; calls a Taxify. Her ride arrives, driven by Uche who being an Igbo man, would rather have cash (tanki yor very much), and has never had a close encounter of the uncomfortable kind, with a pepper spray. Uche from Taxify arrives to pick Dorcas up and claims that he wasn’t given a destination.
Now I don’t know how this works, I mainly use Uber and Lyft when I have to cab, for the simple reason that much as I beg Uche to take me off his mailing list and stop disturbing me with his yeye spam messages, there is no taxify in Abuja……yet.
Yeye Uche.
So, where were we?
I don’t know how Taxify works, but if you are ubering, you actually need to enter your destination as you call your ride, so that your fare can be worked out upfront and you have an idea how much your payment mode will be charged and therefore make up your mind if you still want to form ajebo uber; or if you want to put your hooves to good use and trek out to where you will find “going” that is going your way.
I want to assume that since Taxify is imitating Über, it should be the same way. Nobody wants to take a chance on giving you a ride through a streamlined cab system, only for you to get to your destination and start haggling price.
I assume you get me? Good.
So as to what started the brouhaha, I would award it to Aunty OAP who seriously needs to sort out the whole identity crises thing going on with her accent, ASAP.
Aunty – 100 : Uche from Taxify – 0
Anyways, at the point where they began to disagree, why didn’t this haunty just simply come down from the cab?
I can’t understand people who knowingly put themselves in the path of trouble just for the five minutes of fame and for the support from highly emotional Nigerians who would applaud your stupidity, even as they make a mental note to not be so stupid.
You disagreed with a cab – come down.
People come down from buses, okada, taxis, etc and leave their money paid so far with whomever is making them uncomfortable while sending them off with one free “waka”; how do you get off with insisting you MUST take a ride with a driver whom you are disagreeing with?
No, spare me her side of the story nonsense.
I want cash.
I don’t have cash.
Edakun, drop me and come and be going with your wahala.
Queenie decided to be a super babe simply because she could and you want to know why I know that was what happened? Yeah, yeah, “victim blaming”, “were you there” and all that jazz.
Spare me please.
I dispensed with political correctness a long while ago.
Did you all see the demeanour of the guy?
Just another confused and stubborn idiot like his confused and stubborn customer; he wasn’t thinking of kidnapping anyone. He was just like “four pronged utensil, if you must take this ride then you are on your own. Na sleep get me so, I dey go park my motor for house”.
You get in a ride and the driver refuses to stop, you make a simple phone call and loudly give the driver’s name and details (which these ride share companies always provide for you ahead of the ride), to whomever is on the other end of the line, state that you think you are being kidnapped or taken somewhere against your will and ask that they get the police.
Tell me, which is easier to do?
Make that phone call or take videos while running your mouth like a burst tap in a yard in Mararaba Nyanya?
You tell me.
Queenie was not interested in her own safety, she just wanted to trend.
Okay, the driver now stops at an unknown destination and gets out to open the gate. Which is easier to do for someone whose mouth has been running like loose diarrhea and who is neither gagged nor bound; and who claims she was scared of being kidnapped and raped?
A: Open the car door and run like the hounds of hell are after you?
B: Remove the car keys from the ignition and remain in the car while running your mouth like Usain Bolt and his lightning feet?
No, you answer.
Think about it.
Key in the ignition means you were not locked into the car. For the time it took him to get out and go open the gate, someone who really feared for her life would be out the door and halfway to Abuja from Lagos.
She waited in the car, took his key from the ignition, and waited for him to come back so that the fight can continue.
Uche from Taxify – 1,000 : Haunty with the dubious accent – Minus 50.
Seriously, miss me with any victim blaming BS, we really need to stop encouraging all these people looking for quick fame and social media trending jagbajantis. Matter of fact, I will subtract another 50 from the haunty for her lack of common sense. So here we are now, and here I am, wondering how rape entered into the equation.
Were you also wondering that?
Welcome to the club.
Because rape now is the malicious tool wielded by empty headed slay queens to accuse any and every man they have an altercation with, of wrong doing; and get people to focus less on their obvious stupidity, while hounding men to oblivion.
Seriously, if you are shouting “rape”, “rape” with that haunty, I think I should just subtract fifty marks from your common sense, just for the heck of it; after all, you are shouting rape for the heck of it even though it is obvious to you that the only rape that occurred, is haunty OAP’s attempt to rape the small intelligence we all have been boasting of and using to make small yanga.
Yeye somborri like her.
And see why I insist we need to consistently call out people who scream rape just to get the upper hand in arguments and altercations? They are seriously watering down the experiences of people who were traumatised and actually forced against their will.
What I see here, are two stubborn people, who tried to show themselves who stubborn pass.
And of course because once the woman shouts, we all lose our common sense, we have decided that she was a weaker vessel who was almost “kidnapped and raped”. We are enabling bad behaviour, all of us are. Honestly, we need to tone down with the rape hysteria.
This is annoying, über annoying. Rape has become a convenient tool for the show of power by women who either lack common sense, or good manners.
And no haunty OAP, I am not afraid of your curses, none of my female family members will face what you faced and you know why? Because you were not traumatised. You lack common sense.
I would always advise ladies when they are in precarious situations, to forget about winning, and think safety first. Be selfish that way. You want to be jumping around dragging and attempting to fight a man, you slap him once and he hardly flinches but he then retaliates with one slap to you and you are out for the count. Who lose pass?
Yes, you can take the matter of slapping you anywhere you like, but at least you don first chop the hot slap.
Are there no other ways to have fought this fight?
Come down from the cab, cancel the trip and do a mail to the original Uche to complain and follow up until the cabbie had been sanctioned? But to now bring rape into the matter, it simply diminished the whole sordid and avoidable incident for me. I don’t even care who is at fault now, just judging the individual who tried to whip up sentiments and sympathy by going down the “rape” route. And did Uche from Taxify try to “kidnap” her?
Two extremely stupid people in the wee hours of the morning allowed their stubbornness and confusion take the lead. Much as it is hard for me to admit, taking someone anywhere against their will, is abduction, (not kidnap people, drop the hysteria). So yes, he did abduct her.
I wish him a good day in court, he is the only one that genuinely had my sympathy in this whole brouhaha. All he wanted was his cash, “Nne givu me mai morni kashi biko”; and when she refused, he decided to be pig headed and follow her to drag what was not dragging itself. At least by the time he eventually wriggles out of this matter, he will understand why when we ask men to “take it like a man”, we are simply trying to prevent unfortunate events like these. And to the lie-lie haunty, we wish you a more authentic accent.
Even if it is an Ibadan “high-cent- with a strong “h” factor, make God have mercy on you and give you so that you can return this oluwole one to wherever it is you borrowed it from, and have your peace of mind.
As for your matter with Uche, you know what you are doing. Just continue. Karma is a vicious bitch.

Lilian Osigwe Editor

A Creative and Versatile Writer.  
Currently writes for SabiNews Media

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