March 23, 2019

Welcome to my world by Ikhide Ikheloa

Welcome to my world by Ikhide Ikheloa

ikhide  head shotI am here. Pa Ikhide. I don’t know why I am here, I am just here. Apparently I am to start talking until I am tired or y’all are tired whichever comes first. That is fine with me. I love talking, so I doubt that I’ll be the first to terminate this new relationship. I really am never sure what will come out of my mouth, I have been doing this for many moons. I wake up and my mind is a lunatic’s trap pregnant with all sorts of darkness, some of it luscious, some sordid, some banal, some all of the above. I was sitting quietly in my hut when Toni Kan sent me email that I had agreed to work for him when last we met in Nigeria. I don’t remember this tale, but Toni reminds me that I was drinking at the time and as I am wont to do when I have been drinking I make all sorts of promises, including this one. My mother did text me the other day that I had promised her a Lexus Jeep when I visited her. I am still laughing. I should stop drinking, it is not good for my liver.

So what am I going to be talking about? I have absolutely no idea. I do know what I am not going to be talking about. Politics. I am tired of talking about Nigerian politics jare, I did not come to America to go crazy. All we do is talk, talk, talk, the price of gari is unmoved. Is it gari or garri sef?  Things I will talk about? Well, if you are on Facebook and Twitter you know that I am always talking about my run-ins with My Lover (ML); we have four wonderful children, Netter_Shoks, Ominira, Lion Cub and Fearless Fang. I have an imaginary dog, Siddon_Look, PhD, we are not sure of his or her gender, so we call it, it. I am attached to the world wirelessly through Adunni, my laptop, named after my Muse, the one and only Adunni, Amebo, my iPad, Amebo, my iPhone, and Norma_Pearl my Samsung Galaxy S3 which used to be an S4 until my son Lion Cub did a heart transplant on it, long story, let’s just say he now has an S4 and I have an S3. America is like that, your children rule your wretched life.

Oh yes, I love African writers, sadly the feeling is not mutual. I read them nonstop and love to comment on their work as I read, many of them won’t agree but I think that I am their greatest fan. One called me a “noisy reader,” another called me “a conceited ignoramus,” and yet another remarked quite aptly that I have never ever printed an “invitation card” yet I am always harassing those who have written “things.” SMH.

Who am I? I don’t consider myself a writer, I think of myself as a reader who writes. I do write endlessly but it is not as if I am sitting down somewhere quiet, plotting that great novel, checking everything that must be in a book to make it “fiction.” That takes a lot of work and discipline. There is no fiction in me, I simply write what I see around me, what stirs in me. I see stories everywhere, poetry is everywhere and I mostly write them down. Where do I write? On social media most days, Facebook and Twitter. I have a blog and sometimes I will say something on a listserv (if you don’t know what that means, don’t fret, it is a dying art, mailing lists).

I read a lot, these days I don’t read as many books as I used to, the book is dying a long slow death, I never tire of telling people. If it is not on my laptop, iPad or smartphone, chances are I am not reading it. I think people should read, I just don’t think in the 21st century the book is the best medium for reading. I have more to say about books, our stories and the politics of writing as they affect African literature. I promise to infuriate you every week, if I don’t you will be entertained. I am like that, I was wired that way. Welcome to Pa Ikhide’s world.

Related posts


  1. Fatima

    PA is live on a blog, yaaaaay!!!!!!

    So, you made it here, a pat on the back and a bottle of Johnny Walker (or whatever poison) for Toni Kan and his wisdom in getting you to promise. – under the influence or otherwise!

    Welcome, be your crotchety, irrreverent self. Be witty, be charming, be passionate, be droll, be sacrilegious, be holy and above all be you.

    Kicking butt and taking names!!!

  2. Folabi

    We are here. To read, heckle and generally amuse you and ourselves. We are waiting, Pa Posts Ikhide. Let the words flow; let your thoughts flow.

  3. Folabi

    Pa! You waka come here? Chai, we are set for good times. Even Mama Peace will know that she doesn’t have the monopoly of tears, amidst crackling of ribs. Pa, welcome!


Leave a Reply

Your e-mail address will not be published. Required fields are marked *