Dear Naija man, what do you really want? – Peju Akande

Dear Naija man, what do you really want? – Peju Akande

Did I hear you say sex?

But is that not for guys in their twenties and thirties…ermm and their forties and fifties…add the sixties…ok, while you are at it, let’s just add seventies… but really, is that what sums up a man? A Naija man for that matter?

I think our men want more. I think they want more than just sex.

My friend, Tara who’s been married for some 22 years and counting suddenly decided to shower her husband with praises on Facebook. Now, Tara isn’t the love struck type. Of all my friends, she is the one I can count on to be practical in the face of any situation. She is a lawyer but hates being called one. She is a counselor but hates being addressed as one. She is one woman who has faced stormy situations and kept her smiles, refusing to crack under pressure

For seven days, she scribbled love notes for on her Facebook wall to her husband: she called him the champagne Friday; her schnapps Wednesday, her coconut candy Thursday and while she was at it, all her close friends crawled on her wall scribbling encouragements as she openly praised hubby.

I asked Tara,’ “Se Mr…is ‘doing’ you well ni, abi woris da meanin of dis?”

“No, oo. I just did this on the spur of the moment,” she replied

‘You want something from him?’ I prodded, still eyeing her and daring her not to tell me the truth.

“Nooo,” she insisted, “no such thing.”

‘Issokay’, I finally conceded but I wasn’t satisfied.

Her husband’s response was overwhelming. He replied to all our goading, our jests, our encouragements…but I could “see” him walking around looking taller than his 5 feet 10 8nches. He’s now taller than  Lebron James. I see his renewed confidence and I see him able to move Aso rock from Abuja to V/I if Tara so desires. That’s what words of affirmation can do to a man.

Here are a few of men’s favourite things:

1-Men want words of affirmation. Men like their women to affirm them…errm, constantly, o. yes. They like being told they are good, no, strike that, make that, great at what ever they do. In the eyes of their women, men like to stand tall (regardless of their real heights).

Affirmative words like, ‘You make me feel good about myself; ‘you delivered a fantastic speech there’, ‘you are a great guy and I’m so glad we met,’ you are an awesome dad to our kids…you are a great lover. And like Tara did her hubby, ‘you are my champagne this Thursday.’

Words of affirmation show you support his hustle, you are ready to back him up, you are his number one cheer leader with the loudest voice among the crowd of jeers, (don’t we all need cheerleaders?)

Now, this is one area the women in the life of naija men often miss and the side chick gets; because the babe at home has seen him down and out, seen his fears and weaknesses, his dirty undies and his snore…she finds little to cheer; the side chick on the other hand hasn’t seen him like that, so she is full of words of encouragement that make him walk like he is a giant…and men like big things.

2-Men want big things…ha, I’ve said it before, ok, let’s make this, the bigger, the better: perhaps because of the way they are wired, men go by size, you want to guess why they care about the size of their…? Ok, let’s focus here. Wonder why men like big houses, massive cars, like to give huge gifts…go crazy over big boobs…massive butts…all those kinds of things.

The smaller things of life don’t immediately catch their attention; whereas for most women, small acts are what gets their attention…but we aren’t talking about women here, so back to the men, let’s give them the floor.

Men like big acts of love, they like being celebrated big; they like their women to equally give big in gratitude to their big give. So, dear woman in the life of a naija man, give him good food, his favourite by the way, for the next five years…equivalent of the big house he gave you, give him back big love which includes but not limited to sex on demand…be ready anytime you see that shine in his eyes…give him a huge span of your time; men can be like babies, demanding your attention 24/7…that’s how they read love. Don’t go saying, ‘Are you a child?’ Yes he is. Or saying, ‘you want to kill me?’ Eerm, yes…he wants to… kill you with love, ni

3-Men want sex; women have never understood men’s insatiable need for sex…and we may never understand it. For most men, sex is key, it is critical. Even the pastors and Imams in holy places will tell you never to deny your man sex and while you are at it, try not to lie there like a piece of wood or count the ceiling boards or file your nails or grunt like you want him off you. Ha! Don’t go saying, I want my nail polish to dry. I just did my hair. I have a headache…(rolling my eyes here) girl, make the right noises…yeah I know, it lacks gusto as he is also grunting like a pig, but girl, just show this brother some love, ohhh, haaa, on cue and when he finally rolls off, applaud…’my guy, you too much!’

*Cough* You can talk about his ‘non-performance’ at a later time. Like you suggesting he takes a bath first, suggesting he tries some foreplay, suggesting he gives you a hint during the day, suggesting he calls or texts or…you know, those subtle things that gets you in the mood that he has failed to do and yet expects you to be happy at his performance. Ok, one more thing, try not to make it look like you are comparing him with a previous lover who did these things, be demur in your suggestions, o sister.

4-They want Respect Chai, nothing galls the average naija man like him feeling disrespected by his woman…make that by any woman, ask Lucia. In fact, ask one million naija men, and you’ll find that respect or lack of is a huge relationship issue. They will tell you their women don’t respect them, even when she is groveling at their feet and curtsying at every word, men perceive respect on a different level. ‘She says she respects me but her words don’t.’

“My girlfriend doesn’t respect me at all, in fact when I talk she acts like my mouth is smelling.”

“My wife doesn’t respect me but she listens to what others say outside.”

So dear woman in the life of a naija man, show your man respect, while most men will tell you they don’t want their women curtsying, respect for them ranges from you not arguing with them to you actually not being rude. In between these, the regular naija man is quite easy to deal with.

5-Men want to be hugged: never under estimate the power of a hug; hug your man once in a while just because.

Now, do these few points qualify for what a man wants? Nah, we haven’t even scratched the surface; there are other love languages that speak volumes.

Men will tell you their needs are simple, compared to women but they are human like the rest of us; their needs are unique.

So woman in the life of a naija man, find what works and make it work for you and you sef naija man, compliment your woman’s effort, we are in this together.


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