Mindfulness – the practice of being placed in the moment and focusing on your immediate surroundings – is popular with mental health experts world over.
The benefits of mindfulness, which can be achieved with an activity such as colouring, or even from intense work-outs, are manifold. According to the NHS: ‘Becoming more aware of the present moment can help us enjoy the world around us more and understand ourselves better.
When we become more aware of the present moment, we begin to experience afresh things that we have been taking for granted.’ But what about bringing mindfulness into the bedroom? Sometimes during sex it’s normal to find your mind wandering.
If the sex is gratifying, for people with busy lives and lots to think about, it can be hard to completely check out. You might fancy the pants off the person you’re in bed with, but that doesn’t automatically prevent the ‘Oh s**t, we need bin liners and broccoli’ realisation, which pulls you away from your sexual ecstasy and back into every day life.
Mindfulness aims to prevent that from happening, helping you to be fully present during sex and focused on your pleasure, your partner’s pleasure and nothing else. Sounds good, no questions there. But how to achieve it?
Highlights of how to have mindful sex go a bit like this:
Set aside time: You can’t have mindful sex when you’re super busy and distracted. Try to remember that for lots of people, having sex less frequently but when they really feel like it is preferable. Wait until you’ve got a quiet house and a chunk of time, even if that means getting up early or waiting until the people you share your home with have gone out.
Get in the moment: The aim of mindfulness is not silencing your brain. The idea is to be fully in the moment, without judgment of it. So you don’t need to be floating on a cloud, but you do need to be focusing on the sensations you’re feeling.
Let go of judgement: Or at least notice them and then let go of them. This bit takes practice. You’re not going to be 100% in the moment the whole time from day one.
Come back to the moment: It’s normal for your mind to wander, even during sex. But once you’ve realised that it has wandered, pull it back.
Be nice to yourself: Mind wandering doesn’t mean you’re failing at sexual mindfulness, it means that you’re human.
Mindful sex isn’t for everyone.
It could result in stronger connection between you and your partner, but it could also make you feel frustrated and like you’re failing. It’s a great thing to try, but if you’re experiencing less joy from your sex life because of your attempts at mindfulness, then it’s totally fine to ditch it. As reported by Metro.