A few days ago, my husband came by my desk to apologise for having hurt my feelings moments earlier. After saying he was sorry and showering me with kisses, he surprised me by offering to carry me on his back. You should have seen my grin as I actually abandoned my laptop to go and climb back. Chai.
Anyway, while he was walking around with a giggling me on his back, memories flashed into my head — memories of some responses to my article, 7 Things No One Tells the Bride. While nearly all the married people totally agreed with it, many of the singles felt I was scaring them off marriage; I got many hilarious versions of “I am not doing again”. I remember one response in particular, “So, what is now good about this marriage thing? You people should tell me.”
It was not my intention to frighten you, my sisters, just to tell the truth. And I owe you the other part of that truth; marriage is wonderful, honestly. Even when the kids come, it’s still incredible (though sometimes incredibly stressful, hehe) raising them together. It takes the partnership to another level. I never thought I would become so good at playing “good cop, bad cop”, sliding into character without a word. I was totally unaware of how alike hubby and I were until we became parents. I actually thought we were two very different people until our son started growing up. He would do something and it would be obvious he got it from his dad, and other things from me, but we also find there are certain characteristics and personality traits that are actually both of us.
Marriage is beautiful. You don’t have to take my word for it. I went around asking other wives — Christian, Muslim, and non-religious — what they love about being married and they said a lot! Some of these things can exist in a dating relationship, but that’s why when they do, you “feel married”, because it’s simply a level of bonding and commitment like no other.
For one thing, you are not alone, and it’s a special kind of not-aloneness.
- “Companionship, you have someone to go through life with.” ~ Claire
- “Someone to always share life with, ups and downs, shoulder to cry on and hands to cheer and celebrate with.” ~ Tamara
- “I love having someone to share the load with…I love being part of a team.” ~ Rashidatu
- “Companionship, procreation, inspiration, guidance, better decisions (2 good heads) — a better and secure future together. Having a whole human being in your corner. ~ Tolu.
Tell me about it! Marriage also opens your eyes to your true self.
- “The best thing about being married for me is having someone who can show me the denied parts of myself. What that means is, I know that what I fight in my husband are the parts of me I’m still in denial about. So fighting him about things shines the light on what I need to work on in myself…” ~ Ivie
There’s also the financial support — two are truly better than one in this regard.
- “If it’s being married in general, I’d say alternative income. I’m presently trying to get a business off the ground; it’s a lot of relief that I have another person’s income to cushion how difficult a process it is. Imagine if I had to pay house rent, feed, and transport myself these past 7 months I haven’t earned money? It would have been hell! I would have had to abandon my dream and face reality, get a job and survive. Now, being married specifically to my man, I think it’s the incredible amount of support I get from him. Like my family – mom, siblings etc – they are quite supportive in their own way. But none has been as consistent and unconditional as my husband’s. I have a sense of security for the first time in my life, I feel safe, secure. That’s wonderful for my health. It makes managing my depression/anxiety a little easier.” ~ Liz
Truly, the kind of support a good spouse offers is simply in a class of its own.
- “Being with my best friend; someone who has been with me through thick and thin, someone who regards me as an equal and also looks forward to experiencing life with me — the sense that life is conquerable with someone special by my side.”~ Yetunde
Whoooosh! Am I the only one feeling it? Next time you hear “go and marry” I hope you remember these words. Go forth, and conquer!