August 19, 2018

Why do women fight over men? By Viola Okolie

Why do women fight over men? By Viola Okolie

Why do women fight over men?

I recently had the dubious honour of witnessing the unholy sight – in this day and age – of two young ladies pulling at each other’s hair, scratching at the other’s eyeballs and attempting to pull out their vocal cords, etc. And oh, I bet the guys would love this… at one point, they were both basically just in their underwear and even stood the risk of losing those last basic bits of sanity as we watched.

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Ok, busybody that I am, I stepped in and once I heard the matter was over a man, decided it was not worth hearing through to the end. Just assisted them in gathering the remaining bits of their dignity and dispatched them off in opposite directions. They were free to meet elsewhere and continue with the show of shame and throttle each other to death over a walking flea bag; that was entirely up to them, but not within my space.

I recall returning from school one day many years ago, my sister and I, and running into some sort of disturbance on the street. We had asked one of the extremely excited urchins on the street what had happened and he said:

“Ah sister, you people missed o. Aunty XYZ and Aunty PQR fight o, dem tear each other braidesmaid (brassiere) and everybody for the street gather dey look dem. Anyway, the fight don finish tay tay, now people just dey do the rehearzance (recap, rehash… only God knows what he was trying to convey)”!

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Fights over men – e don tay sistas! I guess it is high time we became a little bit more accepting of the fact that we are moving towards the biblical times foretold, when 7 women will agree to marry one man, will offer to pay his dowry, bla bla bla, just for the chance to bear his name, etc. You don’t believe me abi you forgot? Okay here it, you can thank me later: Isaiah Chapter 4 verse 1 – In that day so few men will be left that seven women will fight for each man, saying, “Let us all marry you! We will provide our own food and clothing. Only let us take your name so we won’t be mocked as old maids.”

You see am?
Women, if you are caught fighting another woman over your man, you are definitely not a bible believing, tongues blasting, orobo scattering, kabbashing, Proverbs 31 woman. You need deliverance because obviously, you are picking which of the end time prophesies in the bible to believe and adhere to and which one NOT to believe. What is that one now? See, if your man has just one side chick, praise God. Offer up praises and thanksgiving and carry a special offering to the church. Seek out the other woman, offer to sew aso-ebi with her, keep her in a good mood, ensure you always pay her uplifting compliments and encourage her to join you in taking care of the common goods. Because if either of you does anything to upset him and he goes off to find babe number 3, you better believe there will be no stopping him until he reaches number 7.

As it has been “prophesized”!

You see, you have two options: you must either fight to regain the attention of someone who put you in the precarious position of having to jostle for his time and affection with someone else (in which case you are not a good Christian), or you may choose to count your losses and share (in which case, you are a good bible reader). If you choose to share though, remember the contract terminates at side chick number 6. Thus far can the prophecy lead you and no further.

Or there is a third option; you could choose to walk away.

You could decide that any man who is willing to put you in the precarious position of having to disgrace yourself in other to prove to him you are worth keeping is himself not worth keeping!

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You could value yourself far and above someone who places half or a third of your true value on you – depending on how many women you have to compete against.

You could also choose to love yourself and spend quality time discovering yourself; maybe you might just casually fall into a relationship that meshes with the essence of whom you are.

Oh, allow me to offer you a fourth option – have you considered being the one the lads fight over? Yes ke? Siddon dia and be chit chatting with your friends while the guys pull their shirts and yank each other’s balls out for the chance to be your one and ONLAY; for the opportunity to catch your attention. Of course the trick here is that after the fight, when tempers have cooled and the blood has stopped flowing freely down the street, you stand up and casually saunter off with your girlfriends to go and seek out the man who knows better than to disgrace himself (and by extension you), over another man. Or is that not how these cases of women fighting themselves over men always end?

And to the brothers, you think it makes you look macho playing both ends against the middle, right? Yeah right, about as macho as a toddler in diapers who cannot make up his mind whether to put both feet in his mouth at the same time. Seriously, when I see women engage in dis-assembling themselves over a man, my anger overflows at the sorry piece of humanity who cannot make up his mind whom he wants to be with and settle with her.

Two words for you…

Not… Nice… (disgusting even, but I truly have no energy to waste on cheats and love rats)!

Ok na, Imma run along now and go and engage in my favorite pastime of Nigerian opposition party baiting!

See you all after the 2015 Nigerian Presidential elections but as you go out to vote remember:

#ElectionNoBeFight #ElectionNoBeWar #VoteNotFight  #peacenotwar

… and may the best man *ahem* win!

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The following images have been used for illustration – Editor

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