June 28, 2017

Winners and losers from the 2015 elections by Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha

Winners and losers from the 2015 elections by Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha

Elections all done. Who were the losers and winners? This may seem like an easy question. We could say APC won and PDP lost but it is much more subtle than that.

APC-LogoI will start with the losers. The biggest losers were those that lost their lives because they supported a candidate or a party. It is a loss on a level equal to none. Imagine dying for someone who does not know your name or family. Imagine being a statistic on some obscure blog with a bloody picture of you divested of everything especially life captioned with a ‘viewer’s discretion’ warning. Chances are you were poor in life and now probably even poorer in death.

YD2205

The second losers are those who lost family or friends. For them, life will never remain the same. A void that a thousand wins for your political party or millions of naira cannot fill up. Mothers and Fathers going on without children, children going on without parents. For them the elections will always mark the day their lives changed forever.

Another category of losers are those that threw out friendships and relationships because they belonged to different schools of thinking. This was more hilarious than sad. Bosom buddies were unfriending and blocking each other left, right and center. All it took was some little update, a one liner and then virtual upheaval.

blocked on facebook

The last category are the friends and family of politicians that lost. Those that had been promised appointments and contracts. Those that saw a change in status or a maintenance of status. The women that saw themselves as first ladies or the people that knew for sure they would be the confidantes of Oga or Madam Senator or his or her Excellency.

Nigerian politicians do not lose. You just wait and see. They do not fade away, they keep coming up again and again like that mole in a hole game.

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Now to the winners: Everybody was a winner in this election. JUST KIDDING. Some lost woefully and they knew it. Some feel like winners right now but time will show them that they really lost. But where was I? Ehen, the winners.

Muhammadu Buhari at an APC rally
Muhammadu Buhari at an APC rally

If you survived the election. You are a winner. You may not be shouting for joy, understandably so. We usual celebrate only when we see danger coming towards us like a raging bull and it misses us.

If you lost no friend that you know of because of your party preference then you are like me. A tolerant and amiable person. Congratulations, you are the reason Nigeria did not burn. I was blocked by one person on Facebook for being a bastard GEJite. It was not someone I knew personally so it doesn’t count. But be careful not to pat yourself on the back, you may have made some silent enemies.

For all those that campaigned visibly and had their party win, get ready, Compensation is on the way. I must emphasize that VISIBLY. If no one knows you and you were throwing up a storm and using several pictures of your candidate as profile picture, you are mostly likely not going to gain anything personally. Hopefully, the road to your village will get fixed and that will make you a winner. If it doesn’t… oh well you followed your heart.

The candidates that won are obvious winners. Everyone will be nice to them. Everyone will show them support and congratulate them. They have the power and will not let anyone forget it. Notice we saw a lot of politicians kissing their wives in victory pictures. This may be the only kiss for the next 4 years but their wives are obvious winners. Imagine the functions, the geles, the ‘mummy’ ‘mama’ and ‘madam’ that will punctuate every sentence spoken to them. Ah, life is beautiful. They may not see their men much but by jove, it will be worth it.

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Finally finally finally. I have saved the best for last. This category of winners I admire the most. In fact, I wish I belonged to this category. They are the people that made money during this campaign. I am talking about those guys that did the jingles, printed the posters, the social media warriors, the bloggers, newspaper owners, Tv and radio owners, cloth makers and tailors (we saw a lot of customized outfits worn by loads of people), the branding experts that can package anything from envelopes to bags of rice, the broom sellers, the umbrella makers, the various mobile network providers (we saw all the recharge cards), the musicians and nollywood people, the bureau de change people, the transport guys, the myriad of political subgroups that canvass support (e.g. The Plateau Youth Grass Root Mobilization for party so and so), and the list is endless. In my heart you are the true winners. It does not matter whether your candidates won, in fact, you did not even really have preferred candidates as you did work across parties. I bow to you. One day, (hopefully 3years from now) I will be part of you.

Tinubu is on a winning streak. He practically owns us now. I am thinking of changing my name. Abiodun Tinubu has a nice ring to it.

Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu APC
Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu APC Leader

Lastly, Fayose is the biggest winner of all. I don’t know how he does it but walahi talahi, he does do it.

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2 Comments

  1. Rayo Abe

    Erm . . . Abiodun Tinubu, I seriously need an introduction to the original Tinubu o. Me sef wan win, bank balance wise. All my inhouse verbal campaign must not be in vain.
    I promise not to block you when the ‘winning goodies’ land

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