Woman, thou art stupid! – Peju Akande

Woman, thou art stupid! – Peju Akande

So last week, one story blew me silly! The one about a woman who got kicked out of her home when her husband found out she had aborted a pregnancy for her pastor.

Wharrrdahh******!

Ok, let’s be real here. This kind of story is common; Pastor impregnates church member!

It’s so common it is no longer a news breaks 9lm and yet, it blew me!

Why?

The woman, a certain Omotola Akerele alleged…as we like to say, that a certain CAC Pastor, Matthew Olakunle while conducting deliverance on her, asked her to strip naked, laid on her a few times, robbed his penis against her vagina so she could discharge, shaved off her pubic hair and had sex with her.

Azin in, oh ha!

Ok, let’s continue…

(Was she under a spell?) –If she could recall the details, it’s unlikely

How many times did she meet with this pastor?

Obviously more than once; she recounted that pastor initially would also stand naked before her, then later would lie on top of her on the bed to pray for her; their naked bodies intertwined.

I bet you are scratching your head to understand this.

Sister Omotola, you no try, o! Like Chris Rock said, you put the upid  in stupid!

Haba!

So you were asked to strip- You raised no alarm. Azin, isn’t it odd to just off pant in front of pastor for deliverance from cough!

You said your own mother was present, the first time pastor asked you to strip and pray for you- meaning mama too is used to stripping naked before pastor. Issokay

Afterwards, every time you go to see pastor for prayers, you off pant fiam  and lie naked on the bed for pastor to lie on top of you…praying.

…and you didn’t suspect foul play?

At this time, sister Omotola, what you didn’t realise is Pastor was testing your docility; he was trying to determine the kind of stupid you are made of. But as you kept going to him for more deliverance, Pastor moved on to the next steps. He put in his penis to test the depth of your vagina.

You have been mugu’d, sister T!

But let’s even flow with your level of stupidity; tell me, when he laid on top of you, what were you thinking?

That you were truly being delivered of your spiritual problems?

Ode buruku!

Dem tell you to strip- you no carry your two legs run like mad woman, you strip.

Dem tell you to lie down naked for bed- you no consider say, pastor wan chop you for free, uh huh, you waka go dia again and again.

Pastor tell you to rub hin penis over your vagina till you discharge – what did you think he was doing? Giving you holy water?

Dem tell you to lie down make pastor shave your pubic hair-you sef lie down till pastor begin hammer you for bed.

It must have been a harrowing experience for you; tell me, was pastor still chanting prayers at this time or he was calling on angels in the heaven he found between your legs?

Your mumurity no get equal!

What did you expect after all this hammering from Pastor, that you will be delivered and not get pregnant?

Sister Omotola, I dey vex for you, o.

See now, Oga has found out! And he was bound to, he must have noticed your kurukere moves.

Haba!

You didn’t even consider Oga in all of these at all? What was he supposed to feel? How was he supposed to handle this?

What stories did you tell him every time you got home from being waxed by the pastor?

Let me guess…That you went for deliverance?

Ha, sister Omotola, you fall my hand!

I’m guessing you didn’t tell your husband because you knew what you and pastor were doing was wrong!

O’ tan!

Tell me, after the several rounds of deliverance sessions, have you finally been cured of the severe cough?

To add insult to injury, the Pastor denied having sex with you but acknowledged having sex with your younger sister.

This pastor sef!

Soooo, are we even to believe he hasn’t been having sex with mama hersef, since she was the one who introduced her daughters to a pastor who prays for women only when they are naked?

NB

Sister Omotola, go to LUTH, they will help you with your severe cough, though I suspect you are actually suffering from stupidity syndrome.

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